someone get that fucking seahorse.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
