you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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