After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.