That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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