you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later