I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
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He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE