I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
