She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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