i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
