seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
