Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
