my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
