I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
