Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
