Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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