After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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