is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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