i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
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Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..