Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
