Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The dysfunction is strong in this one.