fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
