we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
