I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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