Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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