We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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