i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
