I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
