I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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