My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Where is the hickey?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
