he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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