Umm I'm too high to move.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
