I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
