If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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