Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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