I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
