Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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