i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
