Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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