woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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