I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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