how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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