if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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