I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
