I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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