Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
