I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
