Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
