I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
