Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize