Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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