How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
