My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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