Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
