Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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