His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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