And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
