STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
