Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
