I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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