it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
