I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
