mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
