White coat. Heels.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
