i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
