You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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