Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
