i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
