You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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