so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
