OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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