Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
