I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize