everyone is single if you try hard enough
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
