Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
