I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
