the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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