I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
