Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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