i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
