he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
