He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize