The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
