oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize