should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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